So I’m the biggest loser on the face of the earth. How could I be so foolish and self-involved to not take one moment to connect with someone I care so much about? I’m unworthy to have someone in my life that cares for me when I can hurt them in this way. I call out to Lord for His foregivess, and even more I call out to her, the one I care so deeply for, Vanessa, for her forgiveness. Yes, I’m sharing with the world that knows me about how I feel about Vanessa, and how I’ve so foolishly let her down. Maybe you think she’ll get over it, but why should she. She has ever right to be upset with me, and question my commitment to her. Why does my brain have to act to analytical and logical. Relationships don’t fit in a box that you can easily label, that come with instructions. My mind wants that, why can’t I just go with my emotions. Forget about what seems logical. Perhaps I’ve destroyed what we had. Perhaps this will be my punishment. Why must I be this way?