I know that morning will come too soon, I’ve got to be to work by 5am, but once again I find myself searching. I love how God is always tugging at me and wanting to stretch, and most of all asking me to continue on the path towards Him. Something that has been pulling at me for the past month is my concern that I’ve began living my life for myself. I struggle with Paul’s warning against getting married, and I can see already how my life is about to change. I will no longer have the freedom I once did to serve God and think of nothing else. I’m getting married in a little over 2 weeks and I will have someone in my life that is only second to God in my life. I am in no way regretting getting married, quite the opposite I can’t wait! I do find myself questioning how I’m serving God each day.

When I look back to my days over a year ago I see a totally different life. I was pouring myself into youth and yearning to have God change my life in amazing ways. These days I find myself plugging away at work and occasionally giving a hand at church. I wonder, have I lost site of what’s most important? Have my own desires of a wife caused me to forget what God has really called us all here to do? Tonight at our Family Life Ministries gathering we were challenged spiritually so that we could be the leaders God had called us to be. I was even honored for my service at Daybreak. I felt like there were so many others more worth to be honored than me. So many others there were pouring there lives into other people, all I was doing playing with a sound board.

I think a lot of my struggle is seeing this new chapter coming in my life and I have no idea what I’m doing. In my heart I want nothing more than to serve God and give Him all that I have. As I begin my new life with Vanessa I have a hard time seeing how that will take shape. I want to be the kind of Godly husband that I’m called to be. I want to take care of Vanessa and be the kind of spiritual leader she deserves. I know that once I come before God with Vanessa and make the life commitment to her that I am called to put her first in my life only next to God. I am to love her as Christ loves the church. All other relationships in my life will second to my wife. I think what I have a hard time with is that I’ve only ever had to worry about myself, and I didn’t worry too much about that, and I would always put myself aside for others. I now see that I must work at not letting my desire to serve others come before serving my wife. This is a big change for me, and I ask God to work in me to live that way.

I think that I have, however, been challenged to return to the Life Shapes. I really desire to keep the balance in my life. I think of the triangle “Up-In-Out” and keeping the relationship I have with God, fellow believers, and the rest of the world in balance and not letting any of those suffer. I want to be actively recognizing the kairos moments in my life and learning from them. I see a great challenge before me, one that I must rely on God for, that is the next chapter in my life. I see myself on a great adventure and I can’t help but me amazed, and terrified, overwhelmed, yet at peace, and all because I know that at the center of it all is God’s hand.

Well, of course, once again this “short” post turned into an hour long session. This sounds a little bit like old times. This week is going to continue to be crazy, but perhaps I still might have a chance to post some more. Things seem to be coming together well before the big day on March 24th. There are so many out there that I wish could have joined me for this very special day, but I know that you all are supporting us in so many ways. You can be sure that I’ll be looking to post photos and notes from the events to come. I can’t wait to heard those words Mr. and Mrs. Nolte, and they won’t be about my parents! I can’t wait to spend an amazing week enjoy God’s creation and time alone with my wife (and love of my life)! Alright, I better quite so I can get to bed. I’ve rambled on enough this even. I close this with two requests. I’d like to ask for your continued prayers for Vanessa and I as we begin our new life together. We know that our marriage can’t be what it’s suppose to be with God at it’s center. The second thing I’d like prayer for is for me. Pray that I might continue to have eyes to see God’s calling and challenges for my life, and that I have the faith to follow Him in each of those things. Ok…signing off.