God @ Work
Well, it’s almost the end of the month, but getting a post in now will still technically meet my hope of once a month right. I don’t have a lot of time…ha that seems to fit in nicely with the title huh…anyways, as it goes things seem more complicated these days as well.
I find that it is so easy to fill up life with so many things, and really I’m not even talking about time wasters either. This past week Vanessa and I celebrated out 4th anniversary, though it seems crazy that it has even been that long, time flies. What stinks though is that over the past few days I feel like I’ve hardly seen my wife. It really isn’t as bad as it feels like, I actually took Friday off of work and spent the whole day as a family and then had a date night with Vanessa. However then rolled in the weekend and all of it’s business. It feels almost impossible to keep everything in balance. Some days I want to just take my girls and escape it all. That’s just not realistic of course.
The complicated part is not so complicated really, only as complicated as I make it mostly. I love being a Dad but seeing my little girl grow so fast and change everyday I feel like time is getting away from me. I’m thankful for days, or nights, when I get to take care of Marissa by myself, but then at the same time I feel a bit overwhelmed without Vanessa.
I think these days what makes life a little hard for me is that I’m feeling like I don’t have clear direction for my life. This is something that I struggle with even more whenthings get so busy. I feel like I don’t even have time to stop and listen, to stop and just seek out God’s direction for my life. He has blessed me in so many ways and I don’t want to take that for granted. Well, that’s it for now, taking it one day at a time.
In an effort to trying posting on a regular basis, here goes #2 for the year.
Recently over the course of a few weeks I applied for a job, got 2 intrviews and was offered a job. The job, in-and-of itself, I would have loved, however it would have come at a great financial cost to my family, which would have made it much harder to either adopt again or think about buying a new house. I think what was most important that came out of the whole situation was the realization that neither me or my family has any real goals or plans for our lives. God really brought that to light, and really made it apparent that without that sort of plan in mind there is no way to be able to easily make thses kinds of life impacting decisions. I did seek some wise council through the process, which was good, but I still had a hard time making a decision withouth any real plans to bounce it up against.
In the end I chose not to take the opportunity, if only for the fact that I realized a couple of things. As a family Vanessa and I need to write down some goals, and using technology for ministry really has always been a passion of mine. That second part really has me thinking harder about what it means to find a new job. I’m not sure if this is God’s way of leading me back into full-time ministry or not. I do know this, I have a lot of prayer and time with God ahead of me to figure things out. I can say this, I believe God has more in store for me than what I’m doing right now.
Well, I said that I was going to try and start blogging once again and I see it’s been like a month since my last post. Let’s just say life seems to be forever busy, not to say that life wasn’t busy back when I would blog up to 2 times a day, but things are busier. Now that I’m marriage and hopefully a baby on the way there is just more responsibilities.
I think I’m coming to a point in my life where I’m having to really look hard at what is really most important. There are so many things I could be doing, and pretty much all good things. The thing that I wrestle with the most is that family comes first. What I mean is that I have can’t see my family being second to anything except to God. And in some ways there-in lies the struggle. God is first, and I want to honor and serve Him, be listening for His guidance in the things that I should do, but how do I do all that withouth feeling like my relationship with my wife might suffer, or that I’m not going to be there for my kids. I love to serve in so many ways at church, hanging out with students trying to make the website good, but it’s a balancing act for sure. What I trust in is that God will help me to see what is His path, how He wants me to spend my time.
Going to make a quick post tonight. This is my second round of seeing my time come to an end working with a group of student guys. Crazy enough the last group of guys I had are just graduating college this year.
For me, no matter what it seems so hard to not havve regrets. Wishing I had more deep conversations, spent more time hanging out, took more opportunities to serve together, and I’m sure the list could go on. What I trust and hope in was that God was able to use me exactly as He had intended. I may never know if I really had an impact in these guys’ lives, and may even doubt when I catch glimspes of their lives down the road. What I can do is continue to keep them in my prayers and trust that God will continue to bring the righ people into their lives to continue to draw them closer to His. That is my heart and prayer.
That is what ministry is all about, point others to Him. I’m feel a bit of a struggle these days in trying to discover what God’s got planned next for me. I trust that He has exactly the right plan in the works. I’m praying that I can continue to seek His will and here His call clearly when it comes.
Well, that probably wasn’t as short as I probably intended, but then again I was never very good at keeping my thoughts short.