I think I’m coming to a point in my life where I’m having to really look hard at what is really most important. There are so many things I could be doing, and pretty much all good things. The thing that I wrestle with the most is that family comes first. What I mean is that I have can’t see my family being second to anything except to God. And in some ways there-in lies the struggle. God is first, and I want to honor and serve Him, be listening for His guidance in the things that I should do, but how do I do all that withouth feeling like my relationship with my wife might suffer, or that I’m not going to be there for my kids. I love to serve in so many ways at church, hanging out with students trying to make the website good, but it’s a balancing act for sure. What I trust in is that God will help me to see what is His path, how He wants me to spend my time.

When we are finally parents things are obviously going to change. There will be one more thing in my life that requires, unconditionally, my time. And of course that’s what I’ve chosen, well that is what I felt God led me into. I have to believe that it’s perhaps a part of His plan that we not have a child until now, since my youth group students have graduated, all but one. I’m still not certain if this is the signal for another time away from student minitries or not. I’m still seeking God’s direction there.

Well, I need to call it a night for now, perhaps I’ll get another post in before a month from now.

For me, no matter what it seems so hard to not havve regrets. Wishing I had more deep conversations, spent more time hanging out, took more opportunities to serve together, and I’m sure the list could go on. What I trust and hope in was that God was able to use me exactly as He had intended. I may never know if I really had an impact in these guys’ lives, and may even doubt when I catch glimspes of their lives down the road. What I can do is continue to keep them in my prayers and trust that God will continue to bring the righ people into their lives to continue to draw them closer to His. That is my heart and prayer.

That is what ministry is all about, point others to Him. I’m feel a bit of a struggle these days in trying to discover what God’s got planned next for me. I trust that He has exactly the right plan in the works. I’m praying that I can continue to seek His will and here His call clearly when it comes.

Well, that probably wasn’t as short as I probably intended, but then again I was never very good at keeping my thoughts short.

Well, anyone that is looking at this here blog, keep me in your prayers. Also if you’ve got and God-inspired revelations of what I ought to be doing I’d love to hear them. Well, I’m off to that sleepy place.

Youth group tonight was kind of odd, and then I never really expect (or ever want) it to be “normal”. Hangout and game time was good. The game we played I had been apart of this summer when we played it. Let’s just say I ended up eating the banana that time. I wasn’t in the mood for eating a banana and I wasn’t in the mood to get my white shirt stained again, as happened to me last time. I found a way to bow out of the game and just snap some photos. [side note: That reminds me that I'll have to get the photos from tonight up on the photo gallery.] I would have to say that God was moving through our praise and worship time. As a worship leader, when you can let all of the pressures of “getting things right”, and truely use the time as your own act of worship, the Spirit can move. I was in awesome wonder as I took moments to listen to the youth be in a spirit of praise and worship to God. Amazing!

The teaching time was kind of a roller coaster, but I pray that God’s truth was stayed and touch hearts. Our small group time went pretty well i think, it can always be a struggle for me to use the time to dig deeper and not just spew back the words already spoken during the large group time. I always feel like the questions given to use leaders just move in that direction. My heart is to try to get deeper with my guys. I want to find out what they think about all this, what they struggle with, even share in some way how I also struggle with things, but also how God gives me what I need to get through. After the small group time I did have an opportunity to talk with Andrew, the youth director, about some things. We’re going to be getting together for supper next Monday.

Well, that’s about the gist of my day. There is also the aspect that my blog has been getting some relationship related traffic. And just a note to a few of you, you know who you are, you be nice to Vanessa. If things get out of hand there could be a small pounding in order. :-} Valete!

At times I sort of feel cursed having so many interests and abilities. I feel sort of pulled in every direction, even by my own thoughts. The areas of music, technology, and just the great needs I see that youth have these days, seem to cause me not to know which way to go. Something that compounds this is my continued growth in the area of the Life Shapes seem to pull me in yet another direction. Ultimately wherever God calls me, I sense that I need to be building the kind of relationships that count for eternity, not just for the here and now.

I had an excellent conversation with Andrew, the youth director at my church, last week. This issue of being able to model the kind of life we’re trying to teach young people, that was something we both struggled with. The great commission is to go out into the world and share the Gospel. This is something that I’ve been talking about for myself. The idea that I feel as though I live in a Christian bubble, and I’m not going out into the world. I want to be able to be in this world, modeling the kind of in-world living we as Christians are suppose to have, and sharing that with youth so that they can see that God is there to help us. Don’t misunderstand me in what I’m saying. I fail in my everyday life just like the next guy. I’m NOT some super-Christian that has it all together and can be some great leader. I’m only a man who daily has to lay his life before the Lord, asking for forgiveness for my failings, and the opportunity to be used by God. I just want to be able to share with the youth today that there is hope. That hope however is not found in anything of this world, but in Christ alone.

The attacks of this world on our young people has been growing rapidly and they are searching for something true and something solid that they can put their trust in. This world continues to let our young people down, making them feel like they are lost and alone with no answers. This is the daily spiritual battle that they face. They need people that can show them Christs love, and accept them for who they are, just as Christ accepts us for who we are. It angers me how the church today has gotten to look down on our young people and reject them, offering them salvation only if they conform to them. It is only Christ that can change hearts. It is not our job to change people, it is our job to love them and share Christs love with them.

While I have my own convictions as to what I feel is right in the eyes of the Lord I have no right to push those convictions onto another. However, I do feel that there is a concern when peoples actions do not seem to follow a desire to follow Christ. I do feel it is good as followers of Christ to be genuinely concerned for our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have a responsibility to at least question the motives of their actions, but not to judge. If our asking simply causes them to openly consider the true motivations to their actions, and in turn choose to turn to God for His truth, then we are doing so out of love.

Well, I do believe it is getting late. I didn’t realize all that was stirring in me before I started to write. I still don’t know where God is leading me in all this but I am realizing that I haven’t taken the time to really express my thoughts on my blog for awhile. I used to do that daily, this is something I need to get back into the habit of doing. I’m going to now try to get some rest. I guess I am feeling a bit better now. Perhaps this feeling a bit under the weather was just God’s way of givingme some rest and abiding in Him. Good night all!