So I’ve been lying in my bed restless, and this after taking night-time cold medicine, for the last 2 hours. Before I layed down I spent a good long while reading some scripture, some devotionals, and another book. I’m feeling right now that all I want for my life is to be doing what God wants me to be doing and going where He wants me to go. I don’t know what this mean for my future. I’ve had a million possible actions run through my head, from continuing on with where and what I’m doing, to up and moving to even another country and doing something. I’m beginning to feel an urgency. I’m thinking this is what has been causing all my restless nights for the past two weeks. I guess perhaps I am feeling like there needs to be a change in my life. I don’t really know what that change should be, perhaps I’m not suppose to know yet what that change is. I wonder if God is just opening my heart to the possibility of change, so that when it comes I’ll be ready to follow Him through that change.
At times I sort of feel cursed having so many interests and abilities. I feel sort of pulled in every direction, even by my own thoughts. The areas of music, technology, and just the great needs I see that youth have these days, seem to cause me not to know which way to go. Something that compounds this is my continued growth in the area of the Life Shapes seem to pull me in yet another direction. Ultimately wherever God calls me, I sense that I need to be building the kind of relationships that count for eternity, not just for the here and now.
I had an excellent conversation with Andrew, the youth director at my church, last week. This issue of being able to model the kind of life we’re trying to teach young people, that was something we both struggled with. The great commission is to go out into the world and share the Gospel. This is something that I’ve been talking about for myself. The idea that I feel as though I live in a Christian bubble, and I’m not going out into the world. I want to be able to be in this world, modeling the kind of in-world living we as Christians are suppose to have, and sharing that with youth so that they can see that God is there to help us. Don’t misunderstand me in what I’m saying. I fail in my everyday life just like the next guy. I’m NOT some super-Christian that has it all together and can be some great leader. I’m only a man who daily has to lay his life before the Lord, asking for forgiveness for my failings, and the opportunity to be used by God. I just want to be able to share with the youth today that there is hope. That hope however is not found in anything of this world, but in Christ alone.
The attacks of this world on our young people has been growing rapidly and they are searching for something true and something solid that they can put their trust in. This world continues to let our young people down, making them feel like they are lost and alone with no answers. This is the daily spiritual battle that they face. They need people that can show them Christs love, and accept them for who they are, just as Christ accepts us for who we are. It angers me how the church today has gotten to look down on our young people and reject them, offering them salvation only if they conform to them. It is only Christ that can change hearts. It is not our job to change people, it is our job to love them and share Christs love with them.
While I have my own convictions as to what I feel is right in the eyes of the Lord I have no right to push those convictions onto another. However, I do feel that there is a concern when peoples actions do not seem to follow a desire to follow Christ. I do feel it is good as followers of Christ to be genuinely concerned for our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have a responsibility to at least question the motives of their actions, but not to judge. If our asking simply causes them to openly consider the true motivations to their actions, and in turn choose to turn to God for His truth, then we are doing so out of love.
Well, I do believe it is getting late. I didn’t realize all that was stirring in me before I started to write. I still don’t know where God is leading me in all this but I am realizing that I haven’t taken the time to really express my thoughts on my blog for awhile. I used to do that daily, this is something I need to get back into the habit of doing. I’m going to now try to get some rest. I guess I am feeling a bit better now. Perhaps this feeling a bit under the weather was just God’s way of givingme some rest and abiding in Him. Good night all!