Reality Check…

Yeah, so I’ve been a lot of thinking lately. Surprised? 😛 Wednesday, at youth group, an interesting question was asked. “What makes you happy?” This really got me thinking. It was very hard for me to actually stop and consider what does make me happy. I made a comment about the fact that I really find enjoyment in helping others out, especially when it comes to computers. Times that I have to spend with friends, like this past weekend, that makes me happy. I think I spend so much time thinking about how alone I am that I don’t feel very happy a lot of the times. I think I’ve been living as though once I find that special someone that everything will be right in my world, that’s where I’ll find my happiness. Don’t get me wrong, if the day were to come that someone special was apart of my life, I would be very happy. I actually had a brief opportunity with this last fall. That came to a painful end, I would suspect that a lot of my unhappiness comes from that. After the reading I did tonight I got to thinking that I’ve kind of been stuck in what happened last fall. The was definitely a kairos moment, but I didn’t have the perspective of the circle Life Shape to help me through that moment. My last relatively lengthy post put out a plea to figure out what I am supposed to do as “finding someone” is concerned. What really makes matters worse is the reality that I turn 27 this month, this is so much closer to 30 than I’d really like it to be. I guess I start to feel like time is running out for me. The last three years have gone by so fast.

So what is my reality right now. I’m a single guy. I have a dog named Sweetie. I have a job in ministry where I get to used my gifts for God’s glory. I’ve been given the opportunity to serve in many capacities at church, small group leader; youth praise team leader; sound guy; worship team member. There are youth that surprisingly enjoy hanging out with me. I have a close friend that is always there for support, not far away. I’ve got a family of friends in town that, although I don’t get to spend much time with them, they care about me a great deal. Of course, the best of it all is God’s love, despite my downfalls. I must not forget, that even though there isn’t someone physically here that I can share my life with, God is always here, I’m not alone in Christ.

It’s simply amazing, and pathetic, how we can so easily forget God in everything. We always come to Him with our needs, and wants. When we begin to wallow in ourselves we so easily forget Him. I have to remind myself that when I am feeling alone, and longing for someone in my life, all I need it to turn to God and I’ll find peace and comfort in His arms. My favorite song right now is Now One Else Knows by Building 429. These words ring true in my mind:

When no one else knows how I feel, Your love for me is proven real. When no one else cares where I%u2019ve been, You run to me with outstretched hands. And You hold me in your arms, Again

I thank Him so much for always being there for me. He knows what the plan is, I just have to think only about what is in front of me.

So I’m still not sure if I should just not think about trying to find someone. In weeks past someone brought up a good point about us not making God have to work things out without us making some effort. This is one thing which I just don’t know what God wants me to do right now. I think I need to just look for His direction. I trust He’ll let me know what I need to do, and when, for all the things in my life. Thanks God.

Well it’s of course late once again. I always feel like I could write forever on here. I haven’t even really talked about my day. Things happened of course, I’m just not sure what of it was important enough to blog about. The short of it was that the scheduling of my time seems to be working pretty well. I got some website stuff done that really needed to be done. The new F&F Bookstore site seems to be taking forever. My hope is to have it ready to launch at the end of this month. I didn’t get ast months billing done, I’ll be asked about this soon if I don’t get it out. Still having problems with backup software on the server. If this doesn’t get fixes soon it’s going to bite me big time. I didn’t get any content for this new web job so I didn’t even work on it today. So my brother is now officially married. I talke to my Mom about it a little, and she’s a little upset about some things. The pastor at my home church wouldn’t officiate the wedding. I can understand his position but it doesn’t make my Mom very happy.

Settlers is probably going to be canceled tomorrow. This is ok because John said that we might be able to do an adult game of Settlers on Sunday. Another good thing with this is that someone might play that I’d be interested in getting to know a little more. Myself and a bunch of youth are planning on going to Serenity on Saturday night. I’m looking forward to it, everyone in the geek podcasting world is raving about it. If you didn’t know it’s a movie based on a short-lived TV series called Firefly. I guess Sunday is a picnic that Kari is organizing. John told me about it, I feel kind of funny like maybe I’m not suppose to be coming. I really ought to try and plan some get together sometime. I kind of expect others to plan and then invite me. It’s just something that’s hard for me to do. Ok well that was a long rambling of things. Time to hit the sack…chow!