We had our second youth praise team practice tonight. Things started out a little rocky. We lost our piano player, but then Elizabeth volunteered to plunk out some notes. Tommy had track so he wasn’t there right away but he did make it for the end. We did decide to change the day/time to something that would work a little better for Steph. She doesn’t live in town so it’s an extra trip for her. When Tommy’s mom came and she heard about the change it seemed that having it on Sunday’s wasn’t good either. I understand that Sunday’s can be family times too. I’m just not sure what’s going to work. I’m afraid that if we can have good consistent practices that we won’t be able to play as much as a whole team. We may need to start out by having the whole team lead only once a month so that the practices don’t take so long. I really think that the group of youth we have on the team have a lot of potential. I just hope that they’ll want to be committed about it. We’ll see I guess.
So I’ve gotten a bunch of emails from my Mom concerning my blog. She’s taking a lot of things personally. I’m hoping that I can make things clear this weekend that she can’t read into my posts like that. I feel bad because my parents tend to put me on a pedestal. I’m mean they support me tons and are always so proud of me. That can be a lot to live up to. My parents, and Mom especially, don’t like to see me feeling down and thinking poorly of myself. I don’t think that is un-natural, loving parents are that way. People are going to have to realize that I just have a problem with confidence with pretty much most areas of my life. It’s easy for me to compare myself to others and decide that I’m not as good as I could be or should be. I guess I could be seen as overly humble, to an unhealthy extreme. And at the same time I’m ok with myself being that way. It’s like I’m happy with my bad self-esteem. Now that sounds weird but it seems to correctly describe me. It’s also similar to my acknowledgment that I’m a geek, to a point of being proud of it. I feel why be ashamed of who I am. Although I understand, it probably isn’t good to thinking poorly of yourself, and be ok with it. I guess this is probably why my previous relationships ended and why it’s been so hard to find someone. Who wants to be with something that puts themselves down, or has a depressing attitude.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m a lost cause. Ugh, I think I need to begin separating my “Daily Thoughts” to “The Good” and “The Bad”. That way people can ignore my pathetic comments and just see if I’m doing anything fun. I think what is happening is that I’m doing my blogging late at night, and this is when I’m feeling the most lonely. Probably not a good time to be blogging. Someone is going to read all this and decide that I need mental help. Oh well, if I had to get mental help, I could play games with their minds. I could really make them think I’m off my rocker.
Well, people have to realize that the good parts of what goes on for me is mostly geeky stuff that most people don’t have a clue about. The stuff I talk about on here most is the stuff that I’m generally contemplating more on. So it’s late again, and my eyes are getting sleepy. I got my digital camera today, which is cool. I’m thinking I’ll be hitting the bike trail or just do some walking around town to take some pictures. I may just turn into a picture-taking fool, who knows. I’m excited, but I may need to get a bigger hard drive for my computer, or I’ll be doing a lot of archiving of photos to DVD. I suppose I could make picture shows on DVD for each event I take pictures of, that sounds fun. Well, until another day.
Be praying for the people that may be effected by hurricane rita. Boy the southern coast is getting hit.